I catch the dreaded DOJ virus!!!

Just spent the last few hours hours dealing with the Department of Justice computer virus. That's the PC infection that blocks your desktop with a message saying that your computer is out of commission because you shared files, or looked at naughty pictures, or were promoting the violent overthrow of the government, or tore the little tag off the mattress. And you've got 48 hours to pay a $300 fine by buying a green dot debit card or similar and giving them the access number, or you'll be facing criminal charges for copyright violation, pornography, and posting to YouTube videos the government doesn't like, with the aggravating factor that you knew full well that the government wouldn't like them, and went ahead anyways.

Well, if you see that on your computer, and even if you're like me and are guilty of all those charges and a couple of more, take the advice on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

DON'T PANIC.

I didn't, because I knew it was a fake. The Justice Department is way too busy persecuting, I mean prosecuting, undocumented immigrants for outrageous assaults on national security like returning to their families (illegal reentry) or making up a social security number so they can work harder than anyone else for less pay than anyone else so their kids have something to eat. That second charge is identity fraud and carries up to fifteen years in prison as punishment, and is really just a bludgeon prosecutors use to get immigrants to plead guilty to a misdemeanor illegal entry charge (the first time) or the felony reentry charge after that, since identity theft carries a bigger sentence. After all, "identity theft" separates people from what is most sacred or at least most desired in this country, money. And Obama isn't interested in fraud or identity theft convictions, he wants tens of thousands of illegal entry/reentry convictions to show how "tough" he is with "boots on the ground enforcement"-- and not just in Afghanistan.

But take a second or two to look at the "identity fraud" charges. It's a most peculiar fraud because usually, it's the victim that has lost money. But not in these cases. People are accused of dutifully arranging to have tons of money sent to the Social Security Administration yet they can't get the benefits that the money pays for. Looking at it as a true, red-white-and-blue patriot, i.e., caring only about the money, it looks to me like the right parties are in court, but somehow the roles got reversed: instead of accusing the government of fraud for taking immigrants' social security taxes when it doesn't offer them any social security benefits, the immigrant is accused of fraud for paying taxes.

Which brings me back to the DOJ virus.

'Twas a mighty struggle, friends, I fancied myself Gandalf in the caves of Moria in combat to the death with the Balrog, and it might have been weeks before I recovered and resurrected as Gandalf the White ... or should that be Gandalf the Anglo?

At any rate I hit the virus with Malwarebytes Anti-Malware, with ccleaner, with spybot search and destyroy, I tried Microsoft's undesirable software removal tool but it wouldn't even run, nor would AVG.

I came across a whole series of  "solutions" that had worked in November or December but did not any more.

How I got infected is that I clicked on the link to the next page of a story on an ordinary web site. The scammers had somehow managed to substitute a link that downloaded and executed their program for the one to the next page.And I wasn't in Firefox or Chrome or Opera, but in Internet Explorer. Those three would have warned me that I was about to access a malware download, not the next page. But I was in Internet explorer so there was no warning, because what Microsoft practices is security theater, pretend security, not real security.

Well, to make a long story short, as I tried to get rid of this infection and researched it more and more,  I learned that the virus is being updated frequently, and what worked a week or two ago no longer does. So by looking at the most recent success stories, I came to this web site. The scan for the virus is a free download, but if you want their program to fix it, it's $20, and you also get their anti-malware software, which normally costs $40. Smart although terribly obvious marketing.

I was a little miffed at having to pay to get rid of this evil, and then the thought occurred to me.

If only the other Justice Department could be banished from our lives so easily.